Monday, July 4, 2011

The Black Cloud is Above Us

Here we are.  This has been the worst day of my life.  Only until tomorrow.  Then tomorrow will quickly take over as the worst day.  We arrived at around 3:30pm, and I don't think I've stopped crying since.  The pre-op process was a lot harder than I expected.  Lots of needle pokes, an IV that took multiple attempts.  Holding her is nearly impossible because all of the wires and the IV.  She can't get comfortable, and then she starts crying.  She's been sleeping for almost 3 hours.  She's completely exhausted from everything she's been through.  This could mean a disaster if she wakes up hungry after midnight.

The nursing staff here is amazing.  So far both nurses have been wonderful.  I feel like I'm living a nightmare.  I just want it to be over, and back in my own bed, snuggling my baby.  Surgery is set for 7am tomorrow morning.  They'll be coming in at 5:30am to start prepping.  I'm not prepared for this.  I know I can never be.  But I also don't know how to get through the next 36 hours, which they say is the hardest.  I just want to be at home, snuggling my baby again.  I feel so helpless.  She looks at me like, "Please help me mom.  What's going on?"  And there is nothing I can do.  I feel like a horrible mom for not being able to protect her from any of this. 

I swear, she was smiling in some pictures.  Just not the one I took with my phone.

Getting ready for her EKG.  She ended up pulling the leads off.

This is an awful picture.  But she was smiling and having fun at least.  This was before all the needles came out.


  1. She's a trooper Jenn just like you. Its hard when you can't help your child. I know if you could you would trade places with her in a minute just so she didn't have to endure this. But she is strong and yes the next few days are going to be hard , but you have friends and family who are there for you too. Lean on them when you need to cry or talk that is what we are all here for. We love you all and are praying for Kennedy to be okay.

  2. I just KNOW you guys can do this. It will be so hard but miss kennedy is going to fight for everything and make sure its all okay. I love you and am always here. Try to rest as much as you can tonight and I will be around ANYTIME tomorrow if you wanna talk, no matter HOW early.

  3. Oh Dear One. I know how you feel this moment and I will be praying for you and your little one until you tell us she is out and fine. I know I can't really make you feel better right now, and really you don't want to feel better right now! But I will say this. Tomorrow morning will be the hardest morning of your life. But tomorrow may very well turn out to be the best day of your life when your little girl comes out feeling better! She is strong and you will notice a difference right away! If you can keep us posted so we know how to keep praying with you (it'll help keep your mind of the ticking clock too I promise).