I was sitting here this morning, enjoying my much needed coffee and loving all of Kennedy's big gummy smiles when it hit me that two weeks from now - she'll be in surgery. She'll be "asleep" and completely unaware of what's happening. Marlon and I will be pacing the floors of the surgical waiting area, desperate to hear the words that the surgery is over and that it was a success. Those will be the hardest and longest four hours of my life. As hard as this is, I'm glad she's so young. She has no idea what's going to happen. She isn't worrying or upset about it. She isn't going to expect to be in pain. She will remain blissfully unaware that anything is happening...at least until we get to the hospital the day before. And even then, she won't completely know what's going on.
I keep thinking about everything I need to do, and need to pack. I started a list, but cannot seem to get anything together. I just set up my appointment for next week to donate blood for her surgery. It's unlikely that it will be enough, but at least I can feel good knowing that I did what I could for her.
I think I'm pretty much useless for the next two weeks. I'm taking every chance I get to hold and snuggle Kennedy. I have a lot of snuggling to do in order to make up for the days we won't be able to. I'm trying to be positive about the surgery. I'm trying to focus on how exciting it will be to bring her home, better than ever, and see how much energy she has for all her toys. She's not an overly sleepy baby, so I suspect that she will have me on my toes even more after surgery. This doesn't make me any less terrified. I'm not one to wish the time away, but I would give anything for someone to hit fast forward, and make it July 21st so I can be sitting here, snuggling my baby and have all of this behind us.
