Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Just One of Those Days

The first week of Kennedy's life it was like a whirlwind.  When Kennedy turned two months old I really looked back and thought about how far we've come and what an adjustment it has been to what our new life is really like.  I've been handling it pretty well I think, but today is just one of those days that I want to scream and cry.  It's one of those days where I don't want to accept the fact that things can't be what we planned.

For starters, Kennedy has been on a complete nursing strike.  I've been trying and trying, and trying to get her back to it, but she has pretty much decided that she just wants bottles now.  Considering I planned to exclusively breastfeed, this is devastating for me.  I didn't even plan on owning a pump, let alone having to use it all day every day.  I know that the fact that she gets my milk is what's most important, but the reality of is really upsetting.  I can't stop trying, but the kicking and screaming fits that go on when I'm trying to get her to latch are REALLY hard (on both of us.)

Then there's the vaccination issue.  I was able to have a lengthy conversation with our Cardiologist today, and she suggested we stick to the normal vaccine schedule because of Kennedy's heart condition and the fact that she will be having surgery.  The fact that she could get Hepatitis B, Pneumonia, or Pertussis in the hospital is pretty terrifying.  She reminded me, that I need to keep in mind, I don't have a "normal healthy baby" and I'm not going to be able to do what we had planned on.  I hate this.  I hate those words, and I hate the fact that I feel completely out of control.  I can't help but feel like no matter what decision I make, it could be the wrong one.

As for our search for a pediatrician....well, that's going about as well as the rest of my day.  I thought the meeting I had today was going reasonably well.  And then at the end she asked me if I didn't have prenatal testing or ultrasounds, since we didn't know that Kennedy had Down Syndrome before she was born.  After my explanation I got the usual eye roll.

Score - Jennifer   0   Medical Offices  7

With that, I think it's time to call it a day and go snuggle my sweet baby girl.  That makes any day better.


  1. If you are going to pump exclussivly, splurge and get the medela free style- its life changing for solely pumping moms. Don't know if the doctors recommended to not over work her trying to bf- with Fiona, her fits were so energy consuming, they were stealing those few precious calories she was gaining so I just stuck to the bottle. Remember, the milk is whats important, the bfing is only for you. Its a bonding thing, but I actualy love the bonding I get with my daughter when she is bottle feeding because the way she is positioned we can look at each other better. And FYI "I feel like any decision I make is the wrong one"... welcome to parenthood- special needs or not that is the constant battle you would have :) You'll make it through all this and when she turns one, you'll look back at all these things you were stressing about and wonder, "why did I put so much pressure on myself?" Stay strong

  2. why would they ask about prenatal testing? because they assume you would have terminated? I hate hate hate that attitude. It just disgusts me. As far as the vaccinations are concerned, I would just decide for you what you think is the most important and do those separately and individually. If you have not, check out Dr Tenpenny on FB. Hang in there, Momma!!!

  3. We only did the ultrasound with Aviva because I tested positive for Taysacks, which ended up being a false read do to the pregnancy. We are not doing it with this pregnancy and as far as I'm concerned Kennedy can do anything she wants and doctors only know the medical piece not the other stuff that makes someone who they are (i.e. family and friends) Keep doing what you're doing because YOU ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE RIGHT!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEST!!!

  4. It's unreal & totally unfair, the comments you're going to have to hear during the course of your journey! But know in your heart, the decisions you make will be the right ones, regardless!! In the end, we're all richer for having Kennedy in our lives!! She's a precious gift & seeing the photos & reading her story - it touches us.
    Love to you all, Aunt Michelle