Today's mommy guilt is about therapy. I've been fighting and fighting for PT with out success. Not that I'm giving up my fight, but I've decided to go private for the time being. I don't want to waste any more time. We had an eval at a pediatric therapy center this morning and it went really well. They agreed with everything that the state evaluators said. We'll be seeing them weekly for PT, and hopefully K works better for them than she does for our Early Interventionist. Unfortunately, it's not looking likely. On my paperwork I wrote that she's a "generally happy child." Well, she showed the side of her that's rarely unhappy for the majority of the session.
She showed that side again this afternoon during our Early Intervention session as well. This wasn't even just putting up a fight, it was real tears. I know that I'm doing the right thing by pushing her, but there's something about that sweet little face and the tears running down her face, while she cries "mama" over and over and over again. It's days like today where the stress and anxiety of it all really hits me. I wish that she didn't have to work so hard for thing, and I wish that I didn't have to watch those pleas for help over and over again during each therapy session. Today, she refused to draw on her Magna Doodle, and wouldn't raise her arms above her head. But with in minutes of Amanda leaving, she did both.
I have some adorable photos, but the computer is being ridiculous tonight, so look for those tomorrow when we celebrate Kennedy's 11 months!
As moms we spend half of our lives feeling guilty about what we do or don't do in our childrens lives. The hardest thing to do is watch your child work so hard and cry such tears over something that is a necessity. As our children get older we feel bad whenever they are faced with challenging situations that cause them stress. Though they don't always cry as they get older you can still see the unsureness and the stress in their eyes. As hard as it is to watch her go through these things you always know that you are doing what is good for her. As much as she doesn't know that now these sessions of PT and EI are helping her in many ways. She may very well do these things in her own time but know that everything you are doing for her is helping her gain strength and that she is learniing to face her challenges with strength and courage. At the end of the day you need to use your gut instinct and go with what you know is right. Always know that Kennedy loves you more than anything and someday she will thank you for what you have done for her. You are the best mom I know and though it is hard to push your child and see them struggle in the end it is for the better. Love Gramma
ReplyDeleteI totally understand the guilt! and I understand the stubborn therapy syndrome!! When Cate got to that point we did aqua therapy - not so easy being stubborn in the water. If you are doing private PT anyway you might want to look into it. We LOVE it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the great idea! I'm going to look into it.
DeleteYou're doing so awesoem with Kennedy. Guilt is a wsted emotion, really. Just keep doing what you're doing!
ReplyDeleteI saw this today on FB, and immediately thought, I have to post this on Kennedy's blog!
http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=10150472069673388&set=a.10150341805178388.343953.511403387&type=1&theater
Hope you enjoy it!
(if the link doesn't work, search for Grace Estelle Curley on FB. It's her album you want.)
Debbie (a usually silent follower, in Holland)
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!! It literally brought tears to my eyes. Thank you!
DeleteYou're welcome. :) I especially loved the 'Real friends don't count chromosomes.'
ReplyDelete:-)