Kennedy's Blessing

Marlon and I had decided before Kennedy was born that we would hav a Baby Blessing for her.  With her upcoming surgery we felt it was even more important.  Coordination, timing and logistics made it impossible to have everyone we wanted here so it was a small celebration, but could not have been more beautiful.  When I started researching Baby Blessings I realized there were two ways to go.  A non-denominational minister or a friend/family member.  As soon as I read this, the perfect person came to mind.  Angie was our birth and postpartum doula.  She was there from the very start of Kennedy's life and helped us through so many of our initial struggles.  Angie is like family to us, and will forever hold a special place in our hearts and our lives.  Not to mention she's one f the most spiritual people we know.

I am so happy that Andrea, the midwife who was at Kennedy's birth, and has also provided so much support was able to join us on Kennedy's special day.  It meant so much to have everyone present who was there for her birth.  Andrea's support has been never ending as well, and she too will always hold a special place in our hearts and our lives.

Angie's blessing was absolutely beautiful from the first words.  I don't think she completed her first sentence, and tears filled the room.  There was one part of the blessing that stuck in our minds, and could not be any more true.  "Born in love, Born in water, Born in the caul and Born with something extra special, Kennedy is indeed a perfect gift from the heavenly Father."

I cannot thank Angie enough for writing such a beautiful blessing and for playing such an important part of Kennedy's special day.  It was truly perfect.

Our Family

 The Blessing

A Family Photo with "Aunt Angie"

A Family Photo with "Aunt Andrea"

Andrea getting in some snuggle time with Kennedy.  This is when I realize how big she's getting!

Nap time with Aunt Angie.

 

Another Bump in the Road...Kennedy's Weight Gain

Or maybe I should say her lack of weight gain.

By the time Kennedy was 6 days old, she was back to her birth weight.  I thought things were going great.  She continued to gain weight, albeit rather slowly.  We had an appointment with the Cardiologist when she was 3 1/2 weeks old.  I was told she only weighed 7lbs 4oz.  This made NO sense to me.  In fact, that would have meant she'd just been losing weight for the past two weeks!  Of course, the Cardiologist wanted me to start formula.  I just could NOT believe she had lost weight.  I wasn't going to start anything until I weighed her somewhere else, and researched my options.  While I do understand that they want my daughter bigger and stronger for surgery, I'm not a fan of pumping her full of formula to do it.   The next day I took Kennedy to the birth center to weigh her.  She was 7lbs 11oz.  Okay, there is NO way she was gained that much in one day.  The following day at the pediatrician's she weighed 7lbs 11.5oz.  Clearly the cardiologist's scale was wrong.  The pediatrician advised me to start adding formula to her bottles of breast milk, as the cardiologist had suggested.  He said that it would be the "easiest way."   However, in case you haven't figured out, I'm pretty much determined to avoid formula if at all possible.  I didn't become a parent so that I could take the "easy way."  If I HAD to introduce formula, I was even willing to go as far as making my own goat's milk formula.  I researched this option in depth.  There was one problem - it's apparently illegal to buy fresh goat's milk for human consumption in the state of Florida.  Call me unrealistic - but I went on a quest to find someone that had a goat.  Okay, okay...I know, unrealistic and a little crazy, but what can I say - I'm a mom and I'm willing to go to all lengths.  I even joked that I could sneak onto a nearby ranch and find a lactating goat - or perhaps I could place an ad on Craigslist for "quality goat's milk."
***Disclaimer - Please don't take any of my drastic attempts at obtaining goat's milk seriously.  I had to keep some sense of humor through all of this, or I would have probably had a breakdown. 


This is once again where I owe another huge thank you to Angie.  After a lot of research, we came up with a plan to enhance the caloric value of my breast milk.  After a Saturday afternoon at the natural food store, and a collection of protein powder and oils, I was headed home with a plan.  This just HAD to work.  I would begin adding oils to as many foods as I could come up with.  I would drink protein shakes once or twice a day.  It took some experimenting, and some getting used to.  Marlon could not believe the crazy combination of things I was putting together - and actually drinking!  But I was determined to make this work.  I was not ready to give up my fight to have my baby formula free.

The good news - a week later, Kennedy had gained weight!  The Cardiologist was thrilled!  The Pediatrician was thrilled!  I felt wonderful - I had once again won another battle against formula.  Kennedy was started on Lasix that week.  They considered her to be in "heart failure."  Those are two scary words for a mom to hear when it comes to talking about your 5 week old baby.  But the Lasix would help get us through until the surgery.  Because of her slow weight gain, I was still waking her up at night to eat.  Kennedy takes her sleeping very seriously, and this was a nearly impossible task.  I spent night after night taking her clothes off, rubbing a wet cloth over her feet and hands, trying to get her to wake up to eat.  It was exhausting.  I felt like the only mother to be sleep deprived because I was trying to wake the baby.  Finally, the day came where the pediatrician gave us the "okay" to stop waking her!!!  We were finally able to go a full night with out me setting my alarm for six different times, trying to feed her.  Not only did I appreciate a full night of sleep, or at least waking up to a hungry baby, I'm pretty sure my husband appreciated the fact that I was no longer going to all lengths to wake a sleeping baby, followed by a mini breakdown that she would never gain weight (all at 2am...and 3am...and usually 4am.)  I'm sure this made for better days at work for him (sorry honey.)

We continued to gain weight reasonably well for the next two weeks.  The Cardiologist was looking for her to gain an ounce a day.  By the time we went for our 2 week follow up, the nurse announced we had gained only 4oz.  Excuse me?  I had taken her to the birth center just two days prior and she had gained a total of 10oz. in two weeks.  How could this be happening AGAIN??  I questioned the accuracy of the scale and was told that if I could prove she weighed differently somewhere else, they would have their scale calibrated!  I just kept thinking someone needed to go back to school for "Weights and Measures 101."  Of course, the "F" word came out of the Cardiologist's mouth again.  Once again, I was NOT going to give her formula until I weighed her elsewhere.  We finished at the Cardiologist, and I headed straight to the birth center.  Where, I of course found her to weigh  8lbs. 9oz.  That would mean an 11oz gain in 14 days.  So I began another battle with the Cardiologist's office.  I even sent them proof of her weight from the birth center.  I threatened to find a new doctor, to have the surgery performed elsewhere.  If I couldn't trust them to accurately weigh my baby, how could I trust them to perform open heart surgery.  This warranted a call back from the doctor as well.  She was forced to admit that she was equally confused by the variation in scales.  I insisted that there was such a small gap in what they wanted her to gain, versus what she was gaining - that I wasn't comfortable introducing formula.  I demanded to know alternatives.  There's plenty of research out there showing that it is just as effective to use oils to encourage weight gain.  She asked me to weigh Kennedy at the pediatrician the next day, and get back to her - and we would further discuss it.  Shortly after, I got another call from her.  (Perhaps she decided it would look bad to lose an open heart surgery patient over a weight issue.)  She explained that she discovered the nurse wasn't completing the conversion accurately.  That Kennedy did in fact weigh 8lbs. 8oz. in their office!  Once again - mom's not crazy!  So Kennedy was gaining weight.  Just not QUITE what they wanted.  She agreed to a plan to begin adding oil to Kennedy's bottles, in order to boost the number of calories that she's getting.  Another struggle against formula has been beat- BARELY!

The hardest part of this struggle is constantly hearing that if she were a "normal healthy baby" this would be completely acceptable.  A parent wants nothing more than to think she has a "normal healthy baby."  It's been very hard for me to accept that statement.  In fact, I still don't think I have.  I know Kennedy has a heart defect, and that her heart is working a lot harder than other babies.  I know that she has Down Syndrome.  But to me, none of this qualifies her as abnormal or unhealthy.  I cringe every time I hear that she's "not a normal healthy baby."  

This whole situation has made me a little obsessive about her weight.  I try not to stress, but it's pretty much impossible.  Sometimes I feel like it consumes me.  I find myself taking her to the birth center to weigh her twice a week.  I hate that it consumes me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  I spend soo much time worrying about her weight, making sure she's effectively nursing, making sure she's getting enough bottles - and the right amount of oil.  I even downloaded an iPhone app to track her feedings.  I never imagined I would be doing this.  What ever happened to the idea of "feeding on demand?"  This wasn't what my husband or I had planned.  This isn't how it was supposed to be.  But again, another realization, things aren't what we expected.  This is just another area we need to make adjustments in our "plan." 


Stay tuned....I'm sure there will be more posts to follow on this topic.  

Reality Hits - Life at Home

Our first day and night at home were amazing.  We were finally able to enjoy our baby with out wires, monitors, or people standing over our shoulders.  It felt wonderful to enjoy what we had expected to do days before.  Something as simple as sitting on the couch with my husband next to me and my daughter in my arms made me so happy.  It was time for Marlon and I to really enjoy our baby girl.  And not just us - our family was finally able to hold and snuggle her too.  My mom was so excited to have quality time with her first grandchild, and my dad would soon be arriving for much of the same.  I am so thankful for my birth experience, because physically, I felt amazing.  Even after running around the hospital for 5 days I barely felt like I had just given birth.(The worst part was those darn stitches!)

Snuggling with Grandma for the first time. * 2/24/11

One of Kennedy's favorite places to nap...mommy's chest. * 2/26/11

My emotions were another story.  The reality set in, and I was a wreck.  I was still getting over the shock, and dealing with the fact that life would never be what we had always imagined.  I loved Kennedy more than anything, from the minute she was born.  Of course I wanted the best for her, and I didn't want her life to be full of challenges.  I didn't know what to expect now, or in the future.  I cried.  I cried a lot.  I had all these hopes, dreams and plans for how we would raise her, and now things were all different.  At the time, nothing made sense.  I didn't understand how this could happen to us, or how I could possibly deal with what was ahead.  I didn't understand it at the time, but I was truly grieving the loss of the life that I was expecting us to have.  Unless you've been through it, you can never truly understand.

It was really hard to talk to people.  I didn't expect them to understand.  And honestly, no one could say anything to make our situation better.  But sadly, there was always something that could make me feel worse.  I didn't want to talk to any else that didn't already know.  I didn't want to relive it all and tell the same information over, and over, and over again.  I even got to the point where I really didn't want to talk to anyone.  I didn't want to hear from anyone else that I just needed to "accept it and move on."  I didn't want to hear that we weren't given more than we could handle.  It wasn't that easy, I wish it had been.  

I wanted more than anything for life to be "normal."  Or at least what we expected "normal" to be.  I wanted to get back on track with breastfeeding.  After all, I had NO plans on using bottles, and I wasn't even planning to use a breast pump for a long time.  And here I was, attached to the thing every two hours.  I had a love-hate relationship with that pump, and seven weeks later....I still do.

I thought I would easily be able to transition back, and would be exclusively breastfeeding in no time.  Day two at home, and it was already proving to be difficult.  Angie and Andrea came over to visit and to help.  I've said it a million times, and I'll say it a million more - I could not have gotten to the point I'm at today, with out their constant support and encouragement. (And of course my husband, but that goes with out saying.  The first week truly brought us closer in ways I never imagined.)

Kennedy and I Visiting with Angie and Andrea * 2/25/11

By day three at home, breastfeeding was proving to be harder than giving birth.  No one ever tells you just how hard it is.  And our challenges certainly didn't help the situation.  It was on that day that Marlon and I made the decision to hire Angie for her postpartum doula services.  Okay, I'll admit, it was mostly my wonderful husband's decision.  He saw that I needed the support.  I had no idea at the time, just how much this would help me.  It was hard to accept that I wasn't going to be able to do this on my own.  It wasn't going to be as easy as I thought.  But then again - most things weren't going the way I thought they would.  Sadly, much of Marlon's vacation time was taken up sitting in the NICU, so when we came home we slipped right into life as usual.  It was hard for him to get back to work, keep up with household responsibilities, and still have time to enjoy being a dad.  I was spending much of my time nursing Kennedy, or trying to wake her up to nurse.  She took her sleep very seriously (and still does.)  I needed help...physically and emotionally.

Having Angie there a few days a week was exactly what I needed.  I was able to make up for the time spent in the NICU and really enjoy my time with Kennedy, instead of worrying about cooking or cleaning.  I was able to finally relax (and Marlon had a little less to worry about too.)  She helped me understand that what I was feeling was normal.  She was there for a shoulder to cry on...a lot.  Soon, breastfeeding started to get easier.  Reality set in, that the chance of me exclusively breastfeeding would be unlikely.  I was still determined that she would get my milk, one way or another.  I had not fought so hard in the NICU to avoid supplementing, just to give up.  I had to come to terms with the fact that I was going to have to be flexible on some things.

I also had to come to terms with reality.  I finally started to accept that life wasn't going to be like we planned.  It was still going to be wonderful.  It would still include most everything Marlon and I dreamed about and planned.  But it would be different.  There would be challenges and road blocks.  All the trips and vacations we planned for the summer would be delayed.  There would be a lot more doctors appointments, and of course - the big black cloud over us - her open heart surgery (at 4-6 months of age.)  But we had a beautiful baby girl, and that was one thing that hadn't changed.  We would be able to teach her things, take her places, and give her all the love in the world.
 

 Milk Drunk Baby * 2/26/11

I want to say yet another special thank you to Angie and Andrea for the tremendous support that they provided after Kennedy's arrival and our transition home.  Seven weeks later, that has not changed.  Marlon and I cannot put into words just how much it has helped us.  I also want to thank our friends and families who have done so much.  The kind words, prayers for Kennedy, the cooking, cleaning, visits with food, and running around makes a huge difference and is so appreciated.  

Survival Stories From the NICU

Kennedy's First Day in the NICU

Hopefully this entry doesn't come across completely scatter brained.  Although it felt like eternity that we were there, seven weeks later, it's very much a blur.

I have to admit, I had no idea what to expect going into the NICU.  All I knew is that in reality, we should have been going home from the birth center, with our sweet baby girl.  I wanted more than anything to be in my bed, snuggled up with her.  Instead, I arrived at the NICU to find her under warming lamps with tubes and wires.  Despite the Down Syndrome, everything else was going well.  I hoped we would be discharged in a day or so, and could move forward with life as we would soon get to know it.  

Upon arrival to the NICU I was soon faced with a "Lactation Consultant."  I put that in quotes, because I can't believe anyone who would say the things she said, would actually call themselves a Lactation Consultant.  She said things like, "Babies with Down Syndrome can't breastfeed,"  "You'll have to give her a pacifier," and "You'll need to supplement with formula."  I looked at Andrea and Angie with confusion and amazement.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  Luckily they spoke up, and defended the fact that Kennedy was already breastfeeding!  I was still in shock, and numb.  I hadn't yet realized that I would soon have to stand up for my daughter and fight our battles.  This was only the beginning of the breastfeeding versus formula battle.  Little did I know at that moment, just how hard things would become.  About the only thing I can thank the "Lactation Consultant" for, was assuring that Marlon and I were able to stay in a "courtesy room."

Kennedy had an echo performed on our first day there, and the Pediatric Cardiologist came over to talk to Marlon and I.  I was sure that he was going to tell us that everything was fine.  After all, her EKG had been normal and no one heard anything abnormal when listening to her heart.  I could not have been more wrong in my assumption.  The doctor explained that there were a few things going on with Kennedy's heart.  She had an AV Canal Defect and a narrowing of the aortic arch.  He explained that there was also a valve they would be watching to see if it closed.  Then the words "open heart surgery" came out of his mouth.  I can honestly say, I pretty much lost it at that point.  My sweet baby girl, just hours old, was going to need open heart surgery in a few months.  This was like a nightmare.  I kept thinking I had to be dreaming because this couldn't be happening.  The news of her diagnosis of Down Syndrome was trivial compared to the heart defect that would require open heart surgery.  To make matters worse, my dreams of a quick exit from the NICU were deflated when he told me that we would be there for three to seven days.  

Kennedy getting lots of snuggles from mommy and daddy.

Little did I know, I was in for what turned out to be the longest five days of my life (to date.)  Some of the nurses in the NICU were wonderful, and for them I am grateful.  However, there were just as many who I often termed "Nurse Ratched."  I quickly found that each shift change brought about a huge level of fear and anxiety over who the next nurse would be, and what struggles we would encounter.  Kennedy was nursing great, and I was pumping around the clock in hopes that I could build my milk supply.  The night after she was born, her IV was already removed and her oxygen had been decreased.  She was doing really well.  By the next day, concerns over her weight began.  She had lost a few ounces, just as any new baby does.  But we were being held to "NICU Standards" and that wasn't acceptable.  Our nurse started pushing me to supplement.  I refused.  I was still pumping around the clock, every 2 hours.   I was nursing Kennedy and giving her bottles of what I was pumping.  We had an awesome night nurse, her oxygen would soon be removed and I felt like we were really making progress.  I left the NICU, headed to my room to shower and get breakfast.  I felt confident that we were on our way to going home.  I even sent out text messages saying how great things were going. 

Kennedy, snug as a bug in her NICU bassinet.

Boy was I shocked to go back to the NICU a short 1.5 hours later to be told that the Neonatologist wanted to put a feeding tube in!!!!!  This is just one example of the inconsistencies that occurred from one nurse/shift to the next.  Not only were some of their nursing practices inconsistent, so was their documentation and verbal communication.  I was asked by several nurses about my "breech birth" and the neonatologist was apparently under the impression that I had no prenatal care.  This particular nurse who happened to mention they wanted to put a feeding tube in, was told that the Cardiologist discussed it with me the day prior and I "went running from the room crying."  I had barely spoken with the Cardiologist the day prior.  Did I happen to mention we had not even seen a neonatologist since the day we arrived?  That was Saturday, and it was now Tuesday.  Marlon and I began another argument.  My husband really stepped up to deal with the "medical" side of it at times.  I was emotionally a wreck and just couldn't handle it - reasonably.)  I am so thankful for Angie and Andrea who were always available to provide support, encouragement, and information.  Just as I refused to supplement with formula, I refused the feeding tube.  My compromise was that I would pump, and give her bottles. She needed to eat 2 ounces every 4 hours.  I knew this would be a challenge.  She was a sleepy baby.  But I was determined that I wasn't going to give in to a feeding tube with out a fight.  Well, my strong little fighter did it!  We proved them wrong, and even the neonatologist had to admit that he was wrong, and a feeding tube wasn't needed.  Kennedy gained back 2 ounces that day!  There was an end in sight!  

 Andrea visiting Kennedy * 2/22/11

After standing my ground, and Kennedy and I proving them right....and a meeting between my husband, myself and a hospital administrator, I think everyone started to realize that I meant business.  People who had "looked down on me" for not having a traditional birth were suddenly interested in hearing my story.  

After five days in the NICU, a terrifying diagnosis of a cardiac defect, and confirmation of the Down Syndrome, we were finally able to bring our sweet baby girl home.  She was weighing in at 7lbs. 4oz.  Just 2oz. less than her birth weight. 

Those five days were an eye opening and emotional experience.  I was still dealing with the shock and reality of Kennedy's diagnosis, and I quickly realized something I knew all along.  You can't just go with what the medical staff says, because while they did go to school, no one knows your child better than you.  Our NICU stay also showed me how supportive our families are, and how much we would soon be depending on them.  Sadly, the experience also taught me who my real friends were (more on this later).  I am grateful to our friends and family who were with us, supporting us emotionally and physically.  I'm thankful for all of our family and friends (and even strangers) who provided us with their love, support and prayers.  I am especially grateful to Andrea, Angie and Bea who went above and beyond to provide such a high level of physical and emotional support through visits, phone calls and text messages.  Marlon and I truly could not have gotten through those five days with out everyone's support.

Kennedy getting strapped in for her ride home!  2/24/11

The Birth Story of Kennedy Aleise

Let me start by saying, I spent much of my pregnancy dreaming about my "perfect birth experience" and thanks to the support of two very special women (Angie and Andrea), my amazing husband (Marlon), and my mother - I was able to achieve my dream birth.  Not only did I come out of this with an amazing birth experience, and a beautiful daughter - but also two wonderful friends.  Angie and Andrea will always hold a special place in our hearts and in Kennedy's life.  

I had been having contractions on and off for weeks. After a pre-term labor scare at around 34 weeks, we all figured that Kennedy would be arriving early. Here I was, less than a week before my due date, feeling like the boy who cried wolf, every time I would text my Doula, Angie, to tell her that I was having contractions. I was sure that when I did go into labor, no one would believe me – even I didn’t think I’d believe it!

Friday February 18, 2011

I noticed a little pink tinged mucus when I went to the bathroom that afternoon.  It was something new, but I wasn’t about to get excited after all the false alarms I’d had.  I did text Angie, to let her know – just in case!   I went about my day and around 3:30pm I noticed that the contractions I was having felt different than usual.  They were consistently 11 minutes apart.   I talked to my aunt on the phone for about 1 ½ hours.  I continued to have contractions 11 minutes apart, and they were definitely stronger than I’d felt before.  They actually took some concentration to breathe through.  I hung up the phone with my aunt around 5pm, just as Marlon was getting home.  I told him what was going on, but neither of us wanted to get excited.  We figured it would just stop again.  I called Angie to see what she though.  During that conversation I had a few pretty strong contractions that I had to stop talking during.  She reminded me of my breathing, and said it sounded like it could be early labor. Her advice, stay comfortable and try to get some rest.

My Last Belly Pic - 39 weeks 4 days

At this point, I was still convinced it would stop.  I told Marlon I wanted to go for a walk.   I didn’t take my cell phone, so there was no timing the contractions.  Our walk ended up being pretty long, and by the end the contractions seemed a lot closer together and stronger.  Towards the end of the walk I was starting to think I wasn’t going to make it!  We got home and Marlon decided to make me some pasta.  It was about 7:45 and the contractions were 5 ½ - 6 ½ minutes apart, 60 seconds long and actually a little painful!  I text Angie again, and she suggested a warm bath.   I ate my pasta and got in the tub.  The contractions were anywhere from 4 ½ - 6 ½ minutes apart.  I chatted online with some friends while I was in the tub.  The contractions were getting stronger though and I just couldn’t be bothered with the laptop anymore.  At around 9:30 the contractions were 5-6 minutes apart, and for some reason I STILL thought it was going to stop.  I text Angie and told her I was screwed if this wasn’t really labor.  She assured me that it was early labor, and that she had already given Andrea, the Midwife on call a heads up.  Marlon and I tried different coping techniques like the birth ball, a hot shower, massage, position changes, etc.  I tried to lay down and rest but the pain was worse when I laid down.

Around 11:10pm I decided I couldn’t handle the contractions on my own anymore. I called Angie to come over.  She suggested that I call Andrea, the midwife on call, and see what she wanted us to do.  I spoke with Andrea at 11:20 – I couldn’t talk at all through the contractions, but we somehow had a conversation and agreed to meet at the birth center in an hour.  I called Angie back to let her know the update. I had a really strong contraction just as I was calling her, and threw my cell phone at my husband to talk to her.

Was this really it? I still half expected things to stop. We loaded everything into the car and left the house at 11:50pm. The ride to the birth center was rough! I was kneeling on the front seat, leaning over the back.  I can only imagine what other people on the road were thinking.  Marlon and I kept laughing about it on the way.  He was also trying to massage my back during the contractions and I kept yelling at him to just drive carefully!  We arrived at exactly 12:20am, and Andrea pulled in right behind us. We went into the birth suite, and left everything in the car.   I was still convinced that she was going to tell me I was still the same 2cm dilated that I was 5 ½ weeks earlier!  I laid down so Andrea could check me, and I held my breath, in anticipation, when she announced that I was 4-5cm and definitely having a baby!

Angie arrived right after I had been checked and she got right to work. Her and Marlon did an amazing job together - massaging, helping me breathe, etc.  I pretty much lost all track of time at this point. The contractions started coming back to back and even Andrea and Angie were surprised by how quickly things were moving.  I sent my Marlon to call my mom and have her head to the birth center.  Things were getting really intense, my back was hurting and I was getting incredibly nauseous.  After a little while I moved to the bed.  Angie got a hot pack for my back and showed Marlon how to massage.  A few position changes and a little while later I decided I wanted to get in the tub.   Andrea went to fill it, and I continued to change positions until it was time to move to the tub.  I got in and changed positions several times before I decided what was comfortable. I ended up squatting/kneeling and leaning over the side. Marlon held me and helped me breathe while Angie was keeping cold towels on me and pouring hot water over my back.

I started to feel a lot of pressure and at first I just tried to breathe through it.  I felt like I probably still had “forever” to go.  I was still laughing and joking in between contractions.   In fact, I even remember talking about baby number two.  Afterward Angie and Andrea said they’ve never had anyone talk about having another baby while they were getting ready to push!  I couldn't stand the pressure anymore and started to push gently.  Marlon kept telling me how strong I was and how great I was doing.  I think I may have said that I couldn’t do it at one point, that should have been my clue that I was close!  After pushing through a few contractions I told Andrea I “felt something” so she told me to feel down there.   I told her that I “felt a bubble.”  She said that it was just the amniotic sac bulging. I remember thinking that I must have forever if my water hadn’t broken!  I remember a ton of pressure and some burning and I reached down and said “Andrea help me, the bubble is bigger.”  Andrea and Angie helped me lean back when Andrea reached down and announced, “that’s the baby!!!” Kennedy had arrived with the membranes completely in tact.  She instructed Marlon to catch our baby girl as she broke the sac. Andrea helped him put her on my chest.  Her arrival time was 4:04 A.M.  Exactly 3 hours and 44 minutes after we arrived at the birth center. 

I was in shock how quickly it happened and instantly felt that natural high and feeling of empowerment that everyone talks about. I had my dream birth and I was finally holding my baby girl.  A moment I had dreamed about for so long.  She was absolutely beautiful and perfect in every way. 

Kennedy had a little trouble breathing at first. The birth assistant missed the birth by a few minutes, so Angie jumped in to help. After a little oxygen Kennedy got pink and she was able to nurse before we got out of the tub.  We moved to the bed, and Marlon and I snuggled our daughter while she continued to nurse.

A little while later Andrea said she was going to do the newborn exam.  Kennedy weighed in at 7lbs 6 oz and was 19 1/2 inches long.  After completing the exam, she told us she was concerned because she saw some physical characteristics of Down Syndrome, and that a lot of babies with it have cardiac conditions and that she needed to be evaluated.   I was flooded with emotions. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  My hopes, dreams, expectations were all changed with just those few words.  At first I was convinced that there was just no way.  We were young, healthy, had no family history.  I still can’t quite put into words how I felt at that moment.

The ambulance was called. It was a non-emergent trasfer so I was able to get some more cuddle time and she nursed again. When the EMTs came, Marlon went with Kennedy and Angie followed them to the hospital.  Andrea checked me and said that I would need some stitches, to eat, rest for a little and have a shower before I could leave.  I sent my mom to McDonald’s and ended up eating a sausage, egg and cheese bagel while Andrea did my sutures. This seemed to take forever.  The tear was a little worse than she had first thought, and she did each stitch individually, so that it would be stronger. Shortly after Marlon called to tell me that the doctors agreed with the initial diagnosis of Down Syndrome. I was completely devastated.  I took my shower, and Andrea finished things up.  They got me out of there as quickly as possible, and Andrea even came to the hospital with my mom and I.

Kennedy Aleise * 2/19/2011 * 7lbs. 6oz. * 19 1/2 inches

Ready for her first journey into the real world, and to the NICU.