There, I said it. I'm jealous of all the moms who don't have to worry about therapy and developmental delays. Oh and blood draws, ophthalmology visits, insurance approvals, cardiology visits, Synagis shots, and hearing screenings, just to name a few. I'll admit it, sometimes I see Facebook status updates and think, "I wish that was my biggest problem." I don't do it to minimize my friends' problems. And I definitely know that there are people that have it much harder than I do. But sometimes I just want to be lazy, and sit back and watch her play, or tear up the house, with out questioning if I'm doing enough for her, or if I'm doing the right things to help her succeed. Every parent wants to do their best to help their kids succeed. But since Kennedy has to work extra hard at everything, I feel a lot of extra pressure about it. Now that we have two kids, I definitely don't work with her as much as I used to. And I always worry that it's impacting her progress negatively.
We had a long break in therapy. The move, the holidays, getting things going in a new state. We started Developmental Therapy last week, and both Kennedy and I loved the therapist. Kennedy really showed off to her. This week we started speech. It didn't go so well. I think partially because of the three teeth she's got coming in, she was tired, and truth be told, she just wasn't interested in her toys. This week has also included countless phone calls to the insurance companies, and a Synagis shot. Sometimes it would be nice to sit back and relax, with out worrying about if the doctor's office sent the paperwork to have next month's Synagis shot, or what the speech therapist is going to think about her progress, when she doesn't cooperate during a session.
With that said, I do still know how amazing Kennedy is doing, and I can't believe how far we've come in two years. I don't usually focus on Down syndrome or the delays, and I typically follow the belief that she will do things when she's ready, as she's proven to us already. But every now and then, I have a day where I get frustrated by how hard we have to work for her to be able to do the same thing other kids do so easily. It definitely makes it more rewarding once she does it!
I promise, more photos soon. We have been busy with birthday party plans, appointments, broken sinks, broken couches, and freezing cold weather. I think we need to push it all to the side tomorrow and make a trip to the pool!
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Saturday, October 22, 2011
31 For 21: The Roller Coaster
This week has been a roller coaster. We've had ups and downs, and have literally been whipped in one direction to the next. We've gone from happiness to sorrow and everything in between. It just goes to show that you never know what cards you're going to be dealt, and you never know how things can change from one minute to the next. Since Marlon and I have been married, we've sure been dealt a lot of tough cards, but one thing is for sure. Somehow we manage to get through it, and we come out stronger and better people. That said, it doesn't stop you from sometimes asking why things happen the way they do. But in the end, it's better not to think about it.
We are so fortunate and so blessed to have such a wonderful little girl. A princess who has a smile and a laugh that can light up a room, and that can make your day. No matter what's happening, or how challenging things may seem, one smile and the world seems better. She's been through more in her 8 months of life than I have in 29 years. In fact, she's been through more than her dad and I in our 60+ years combined. And yet, she has the best outlook on life.
We put all of this weeks events aside and went to Orlando for a quick getaway and to see some family. We spent a great night with my wonderful aunt and uncle at City Walk, were able to enjoy a beautiful day at Downtown Disney today, and ended it all with seeing my husband's great family! Here's some (okay - a lot) of photos from the weekend.
I decided to nap, just as we got to City Walk. So mommy covered me up and I rode in my stroller old school style.
We are so fortunate and so blessed to have such a wonderful little girl. A princess who has a smile and a laugh that can light up a room, and that can make your day. No matter what's happening, or how challenging things may seem, one smile and the world seems better. She's been through more in her 8 months of life than I have in 29 years. In fact, she's been through more than her dad and I in our 60+ years combined. And yet, she has the best outlook on life.
We put all of this weeks events aside and went to Orlando for a quick getaway and to see some family. We spent a great night with my wonderful aunt and uncle at City Walk, were able to enjoy a beautiful day at Downtown Disney today, and ended it all with seeing my husband's great family! Here's some (okay - a lot) of photos from the weekend.
I decided to nap, just as we got to City Walk. So mommy covered me up and I rode in my stroller old school style.
When I woke up, I played with my Great Aunt Michelle's hair.
This woman is CRAZY! But a lot of fun. She scored brownie points by helping mom change my stinky diaper in the bathroom at Margaritaville.
Mom, I'm telling you, this lady is silly.
Sorry guys, there's too many people to watch. I don't have time for pictures.
Hey Great Uncle Sam, you don't mind if I pull on this do you?
Dad, do you think you could get one of these things? It's pretty fun to play with.
Who turned off the sun? This is Florida, is it not? Mom, what do you mean you didn't bring me a hat?
At least Uncle Sam brought a hat that I could wear. But it doesn't really match....or fit.
Thanks for the rice mister!
Why do these people insist on taking so many pictures?
I'm going to take a cat nap now mom. That way I can stay up and party when we leave here.
These people are fun, why don't we live closer to them?
Where's Mickey? What do you mean he doesn't walk around Downtown Disney?
Are you kidding me mom?
This stuff is so fun to play in. Can we have it in the yard dad?
No mom, I'm busy being nosy. I'm not going to smile for pictures.
I'm looking at you. What more do you want?
Well this is different.
What do you mean you won't share your chocolate from Ghirardelli chocolate? You've never heard of chocolate milk?
Chillin' with my life size Minnie Mouse.
This place is exhausting....
I love Porky!
Come here Porky, I'm gonna get your nose!
Got your nose!!!!! That's what daddy says to me when he gives me Eskimo kisses.
Look mom, I'm holding my bottle with only one hand.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Reality Hits - Life at Home
Our first day and night at home were amazing. We were finally able to enjoy our baby with out wires, monitors, or people standing over our shoulders. It felt wonderful to enjoy what we had expected to do days before. Something as simple as sitting on the couch with my husband next to me and my daughter in my arms made me so happy. It was time for Marlon and I to really enjoy our baby girl. And not just us - our family was finally able to hold and snuggle her too. My mom was so excited to have quality time with her first grandchild, and my dad would soon be arriving for much of the same. I am so thankful for my birth experience, because physically, I felt amazing. Even after running around the hospital for 5 days I barely felt like I had just given birth.(The worst part was those darn stitches!)
My emotions were another story. The reality set in, and I was a wreck. I was still getting over the shock, and dealing with the fact that life would never be what we had always imagined. I loved Kennedy more than anything, from the minute she was born. Of course I wanted the best for her, and I didn't want her life to be full of challenges. I didn't know what to expect now, or in the future. I cried. I cried a lot. I had all these hopes, dreams and plans for how we would raise her, and now things were all different. At the time, nothing made sense. I didn't understand how this could happen to us, or how I could possibly deal with what was ahead. I didn't understand it at the time, but I was truly grieving the loss of the life that I was expecting us to have. Unless you've been through it, you can never truly understand.
It was really hard to talk to people. I didn't expect them to understand. And honestly, no one could say anything to make our situation better. But sadly, there was always something that could make me feel worse. I didn't want to talk to any else that didn't already know. I didn't want to relive it all and tell the same information over, and over, and over again. I even got to the point where I really didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to hear from anyone else that I just needed to "accept it and move on." I didn't want to hear that we weren't given more than we could handle. It wasn't that easy, I wish it had been.
I wanted more than anything for life to be "normal." Or at least what we expected "normal" to be. I wanted to get back on track with breastfeeding. After all, I had NO plans on using bottles, and I wasn't even planning to use a breast pump for a long time. And here I was, attached to the thing every two hours. I had a love-hate relationship with that pump, and seven weeks later....I still do.
I thought I would easily be able to transition back, and would be exclusively breastfeeding in no time. Day two at home, and it was already proving to be difficult. Angie and Andrea came over to visit and to help. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it a million more - I could not have gotten to the point I'm at today, with out their constant support and encouragement. (And of course my husband, but that goes with out saying. The first week truly brought us closer in ways I never imagined.)
By day three at home, breastfeeding was proving to be harder than giving birth. No one ever tells you just how hard it is. And our challenges certainly didn't help the situation. It was on that day that Marlon and I made the decision to hire Angie for her postpartum doula services. Okay, I'll admit, it was mostly my wonderful husband's decision. He saw that I needed the support. I had no idea at the time, just how much this would help me. It was hard to accept that I wasn't going to be able to do this on my own. It wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. But then again - most things weren't going the way I thought they would. Sadly, much of Marlon's vacation time was taken up sitting in the NICU, so when we came home we slipped right into life as usual. It was hard for him to get back to work, keep up with household responsibilities, and still have time to enjoy being a dad. I was spending much of my time nursing Kennedy, or trying to wake her up to nurse. She took her sleep very seriously (and still does.) I needed help...physically and emotionally.
Having Angie there a few days a week was exactly what I needed. I was able to make up for the time spent in the NICU and really enjoy my time with Kennedy, instead of worrying about cooking or cleaning. I was able to finally relax (and Marlon had a little less to worry about too.) She helped me understand that what I was feeling was normal. She was there for a shoulder to cry on...a lot. Soon, breastfeeding started to get easier. Reality set in, that the chance of me exclusively breastfeeding would be unlikely. I was still determined that she would get my milk, one way or another. I had not fought so hard in the NICU to avoid supplementing, just to give up. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was going to have to be flexible on some things.
I also had to come to terms with reality. I finally started to accept that life wasn't going to be like we planned. It was still going to be wonderful. It would still include most everything Marlon and I dreamed about and planned. But it would be different. There would be challenges and road blocks. All the trips and vacations we planned for the summer would be delayed. There would be a lot more doctors appointments, and of course - the big black cloud over us - her open heart surgery (at 4-6 months of age.) But we had a beautiful baby girl, and that was one thing that hadn't changed. We would be able to teach her things, take her places, and give her all the love in the world.
I want to say yet another special thank you to Angie and Andrea for the tremendous support that they provided after Kennedy's arrival and our transition home. Seven weeks later, that has not changed. Marlon and I cannot put into words just how much it has helped us. I also want to thank our friends and families who have done so much. The kind words, prayers for Kennedy, the cooking, cleaning, visits with food, and running around makes a huge difference and is so appreciated.
Snuggling with Grandma for the first time. * 2/24/11
One of Kennedy's favorite places to nap...mommy's chest. * 2/26/11
My emotions were another story. The reality set in, and I was a wreck. I was still getting over the shock, and dealing with the fact that life would never be what we had always imagined. I loved Kennedy more than anything, from the minute she was born. Of course I wanted the best for her, and I didn't want her life to be full of challenges. I didn't know what to expect now, or in the future. I cried. I cried a lot. I had all these hopes, dreams and plans for how we would raise her, and now things were all different. At the time, nothing made sense. I didn't understand how this could happen to us, or how I could possibly deal with what was ahead. I didn't understand it at the time, but I was truly grieving the loss of the life that I was expecting us to have. Unless you've been through it, you can never truly understand.
It was really hard to talk to people. I didn't expect them to understand. And honestly, no one could say anything to make our situation better. But sadly, there was always something that could make me feel worse. I didn't want to talk to any else that didn't already know. I didn't want to relive it all and tell the same information over, and over, and over again. I even got to the point where I really didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to hear from anyone else that I just needed to "accept it and move on." I didn't want to hear that we weren't given more than we could handle. It wasn't that easy, I wish it had been.
I wanted more than anything for life to be "normal." Or at least what we expected "normal" to be. I wanted to get back on track with breastfeeding. After all, I had NO plans on using bottles, and I wasn't even planning to use a breast pump for a long time. And here I was, attached to the thing every two hours. I had a love-hate relationship with that pump, and seven weeks later....I still do.
I thought I would easily be able to transition back, and would be exclusively breastfeeding in no time. Day two at home, and it was already proving to be difficult. Angie and Andrea came over to visit and to help. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it a million more - I could not have gotten to the point I'm at today, with out their constant support and encouragement. (And of course my husband, but that goes with out saying. The first week truly brought us closer in ways I never imagined.)
Kennedy and I Visiting with Angie and Andrea * 2/25/11
By day three at home, breastfeeding was proving to be harder than giving birth. No one ever tells you just how hard it is. And our challenges certainly didn't help the situation. It was on that day that Marlon and I made the decision to hire Angie for her postpartum doula services. Okay, I'll admit, it was mostly my wonderful husband's decision. He saw that I needed the support. I had no idea at the time, just how much this would help me. It was hard to accept that I wasn't going to be able to do this on my own. It wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. But then again - most things weren't going the way I thought they would. Sadly, much of Marlon's vacation time was taken up sitting in the NICU, so when we came home we slipped right into life as usual. It was hard for him to get back to work, keep up with household responsibilities, and still have time to enjoy being a dad. I was spending much of my time nursing Kennedy, or trying to wake her up to nurse. She took her sleep very seriously (and still does.) I needed help...physically and emotionally.
Having Angie there a few days a week was exactly what I needed. I was able to make up for the time spent in the NICU and really enjoy my time with Kennedy, instead of worrying about cooking or cleaning. I was able to finally relax (and Marlon had a little less to worry about too.) She helped me understand that what I was feeling was normal. She was there for a shoulder to cry on...a lot. Soon, breastfeeding started to get easier. Reality set in, that the chance of me exclusively breastfeeding would be unlikely. I was still determined that she would get my milk, one way or another. I had not fought so hard in the NICU to avoid supplementing, just to give up. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was going to have to be flexible on some things.
I also had to come to terms with reality. I finally started to accept that life wasn't going to be like we planned. It was still going to be wonderful. It would still include most everything Marlon and I dreamed about and planned. But it would be different. There would be challenges and road blocks. All the trips and vacations we planned for the summer would be delayed. There would be a lot more doctors appointments, and of course - the big black cloud over us - her open heart surgery (at 4-6 months of age.) But we had a beautiful baby girl, and that was one thing that hadn't changed. We would be able to teach her things, take her places, and give her all the love in the world.
Milk Drunk Baby * 2/26/11
I want to say yet another special thank you to Angie and Andrea for the tremendous support that they provided after Kennedy's arrival and our transition home. Seven weeks later, that has not changed. Marlon and I cannot put into words just how much it has helped us. I also want to thank our friends and families who have done so much. The kind words, prayers for Kennedy, the cooking, cleaning, visits with food, and running around makes a huge difference and is so appreciated.
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