When we got Kennedy's diagnosis it felt like surgery was something that was an eternity away. I refused to even stress about it at the time. Now, the count is on. We're about three weeks away from it. Sometimes I still feel like it's all a bad dream. I'm not prepared for this. Is anyone, ever really prepared? I don't care how often the surgeon does this procedure, and I don't care how many more significant things he's done. None of them have involved my baby. As we get closer to surgery I find myself doing less and less. I find myself just wanting to play and snuggle. All the time. There's so much to do, but I just want to enjoy every minute with Kennedy before her surgery. Last night she was wide awake playing with her monkey security blanket.
We stayed up until 3am playing games. As tired as I was, it was so darn cute. Tonight I'll be waking her up around 3am, to make an attempt at feeding her. We have an appointment for an echo under sedation in the morning and she can't eat after 4am. I've been dreading the appointment all day. There's nothing reassuring about hearing that your baby will be dizzy, groggy and unable to lift her head after. I know they need a good echo before surgery, but I hate that there's no other way to do it. This is nothing compared to surgery and mommy is a wreck. This is just not going to be a good. The only good that can come of this is a lot of snuggle time with mama later.
